Top 20 Entries from 1972 - Part 2****

Here are the next 5 of 20 highlights selected from 366 journal entries of 1972
LOCATION: Corona, California -- Jan 14, 2014

Chuck & Mom at Kern River in 1974

06) Apr 16, 1972 - Kern River excursion, Part 1

LOCATION: Kernville, California

This entry captures the drama and glory that's associated with dedicated paddlers' trips to the river. The close-knit subculture of whitewater river-runners is documented during a two-day Kern River camping trip & I get very wet very often, with an extensive narrative that overflows into the next page (April 17 - Kern River excursion, Part 2).

Chuck in a slalom run on the Kern

07) May 20, 1972 - Competing in LA Games canoe races
LOCATION: Hansen Dam, Los Angeles
Let's visit the 1972 Los Angeles Municipal Games. I have never considered myself to be an athlete but I agreed to accompany Chuck for this big two-day event. He had been training me to win it since May 11.

On the first day Chuck competed in various races, we became reacquainted with some adventurous lady friends who called themselves the Aquatils, the #2-ranked U.S. paddler (Bay Shore Park neighbor Art Vitarelli) arrived to humiliate Chuck (ranked #3), we participated in a wild & crazy football game, and later hung out with a group of fun Girl Scouts. The second day is even busier and I find out if Chuck's coaching will lead me to victory: May 21. This page also includes the infamous TURTLE CLUB riddles.

 Supplemental Addendum

ANCIENT AND HONORABLE ORDER OF TURTLES (wiki info)

The Four Sublime Questions

There are many more Turtle Riddles than the four mentioned in the May 21 entry. Here are 10 examples, but you only need to answer 4 correctly to become a Turtle. Vulgar or lewd responses are unacceptable and would never occur to a true Turtle. The 10 answers can be found at the bottom of the entry for May 19 - TURTLE CLUB: Official membership card. 

1) A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

2) All day long, it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

3) Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn't a maiden for long. A big hard thing ripped me open. What am I?

4) When I go in, I cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

5) My business is briefs. I am a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it. What am I?

6) I go in hard, I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I?

7) If I miss, I will hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. So, what am I?

8) I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. What am I?

9) I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?

10) I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. What am I?

Turtle Club Update: Tuesday, July 22, 2014

After exhaustively extensive & intensive research coupled with brilliantly clever deductive intuitiveness, I finally succeeded in contacting the reclusive, transcendentally magnificent Supreme Imperial Turtle (Emeritus) of the "Ancient & Honorable Order of Turtles." I will not divulge his name (Denis P. McGowan), but he replied when I asked for details about the "Secret Handclasp" & the confidential "Turtle Hailing Sign." He beseeched me to solemnly swear never to reveal this extraordinary knowledge to anyone else. Here's what he told me:

Dear Bro. Lyda,

I am delighted to hear from you, my honored and esteemed Brother. I usually get about three or four emails a day about Turtledom, usually questions pertaining to the secret handclasp or "grip," the recognition sign, or one of the questions asked during the Sublime Test of the Four Questions. That's usually because our members were "over-served" during their initiation, and in such a cloudy or befuddled state, it is not their fault if they cannot recall key elements of their Turtle initiation.

The Grip of the Ancient and Honorable Order of Turtles

The grip, or secret handclasp, of the Order is done as a mode of recognition to confirm membership in the Ancient and Honorable Order of Turtles. The grip is not to be given unless the password exchange has been verified and Turtle membership established.
The grip is performed as follows:

Place your index and middle fingers on the wrist of the other Brother or Sister Turtle. Press gently. Resultant proclamation: "Behold, my Brother! The secret grip of the Turtles! Feel the alcohol pulsing through each other's veins!"

The Hailing Sign of the Ancient and Honorable Order of Turtles

The hailing sign of the Order is done as a mode of recognition to confirm membership in the Ancient and Honorable Order of Turtles. The sign is not to be executed unless the password exchange has been acknowledged and Turtle membership established.

The hailing sign is performed as follows:

Place your right hand into a fist, with the thumb extended straight out. Place it up to your chest, with the thumb pointing outward away from you. Cover the right hand with your left hand. Appropriate response: "Behold, my Brother! The hailing sign of the Turtles! See the noble Turtle sticking his head out of his shell, seeking his next drink to imbibe!"

Brother Lyda, if I can be of further assistance to you, please do not hesitate to contact me. May Almighty God, the Great Bartender of the Universe, who will only serve you what you can handle in life, continue to bless us all, and all the brave men and women who serve and protect in our great nation’s armed forces and law enforcement agencies, and keep them all safe from harm. Happy and peaceful holidays to you and your loved ones!

Fraternally Yours Eternally in Turtledom,

Brother Denis P. McGowan

Supreme Imperial Turtle

Ancient and Honorable Order of Turtles

So there you have it. Don't forget: You never heard it from me.
[ I never revealed anything at all to anybody, and I never would -- That's all on HIM ]

08) Jun 03, 1972 - Racing to Catalina with Chuck & Murray

LOCATION: Newport Beach & Catalina
I am brought along with Chuck & Murray on a Sea Scout sailboat race to Catalina. After reaching the island, we stayed on the boat overnight and raced back home the next day (June 4 - Doldrums: Catalina Race, Day 2). As it turned out, this wasn't exactly a "race" -- it was really a long, slow excursion over many miles of boring ocean. Nobody knew or cared who won this competition -- we were all just glad when it was over.

Chuck Lyda & Murray Lewis, 1974

09) Jun 17, 1972 - Job Ends - A long, surprising day

LOCATION: Oxnard & Newport Beach, CA
At this time I was visually impaired. I am nearsighted -- anything beyond 5 feet becomes increasingly blurry. My glasses had been lost in a recent boating accident (June 11) and I wouldn't be able to get new ones until June 23. Nevertheless I persevered.

This sprawling entry covers a lot of territory, from my final day as a landscaper in Oxnard (digging ditches, planting trees, etc. -- a job that began on June 6) to Newport Beach with the unexpected arrival of my cousin Jim with his friend, Tim. Also on this day is a video of All in the Family when Sammy Davis Jr. meets Archie Bunker. Below is part of a puzzling episode that proves to a disbelieving Archie that women can, indeed, be superior to men. 

All In The Family & The Chair Trick: Women vs Men

10) Jun 22, 1972 - PHOTOS: The Galleon Yearbook

LOCATION: Newport Beach, California
Here is an encounter with my 1972 Newport Harbor High School Annual.

NEXT WEEK: Top 20 Entries from 1972 - Part 3 (11 to 15)

May 19 - TURTLE CLUB: Official membership card*

Friday, May 19, 1972 - Page 140
LOCATION: Newport Beach, California

[continued from previous page] ful!)

(1:05:25 AM 5/20/1972)
It rained today. Chunk beat me in two games of chess. I helped mom wash the clothes. Jordan bought a model of the U.S.S. Enterprise. Mom and I went to pick up Chunk at his place of employment. We put the downriver boat and the Mucky Mongoose on the Imperial. We're being driven to Hansen Damn tomorrow by mom (yes, I know I misspelled it).

I've gotta get up at 7:00 A.M. It is raining now, and it will probably be raining 2morrow. The cat has still been fooling around. Mom and I went shopping to buy food for our trip tomorrow. --- None of that in that order. Tha's allllllllllllllllllllllllllllll  1:10:30 A.M.

[What follows here is text from my official TURTLE membership card (wiki info). Most of the original astronauts were TURTLES: daring people who are not afraid to stick their necks out. If a Turtle ever asks a fellow Turtle if they are a Turtle, they are compelled to clearly utter the phrase: "You bet your sweet ass I am." This is because every Turtle apparently owns a kindly good natured jackass for alternative transportation. Saying such a thing in polite society would, of course, be a scandalous faux pas, and if a Turtle was ever in a situation in which he was unable to provide the proper response, then he must buy the Turtle who asked the question -- and any other Turtles within earshot -- a round of drinks of his/her (their) own choosing. At a press conference a reporter asked President Kennedy if he was a Turtle, to which he replied, "I'll buy you a drink later."]

TURTLE CREED

Turtles are bright eyed, bushy tailed, fearless and unafraid folk with a fighter pilot attitude. They think clean, have fun a lot, and recognize the fact that you never get anyplace worthwhile in life unless you stick your neck out.

The "Turtles" are indeed an illustrious group and include in their membership ranks some of the country's foremost leaders in the fields of government, finance, entertainment, aerospace and all other areas where aggressiveness, a feeling of fair play, clean thoughts and a sense of humor are keys to success. Started by a group of test pilots during the 2nd War, the club has progressed to its present position as one whose membership is diligently sought after and highly esteemed by those lucky enough to be initiated. Adherence to the creed and always giving the password when asked are the only responsibilities placed on our membership. You will find that life is more fun and takes on new meaning when you are a "Turtle." Welcome to the group.

INTERSTELLAR ASSOCIATION OF TURTLES

(OUTERSHELL DIVISION)

Date: 10/6/71

This is to certify

Grady Luther Lyda III

is a member in good standing and will remain so as long as he continues to give the password when asked by a fellow Turtle.

Member

Thom Granger

High Potentate

Walter M. Schinok

Low Potentate

Gerry Morton

[FROM THE]

OFFICIAL MEMBERSHIP CARD

As a member in good standing you can subscribe new Turtles as follows:

I - We assume all prospective Turtles own a Jack Ass. This assumption is the reason for the password. This password must be given if you are ever asked by a fellow member, "Are you a Turtle?" You MUST then reply, "You bet your sweet ass I am." If you do not give the password in full because of embaressment or some other reason, you forfeit a beverage of his choice. So always remember the password.

II - To become an official Turtle you must first solve the following riddles (see page 142). [The four riddles can be found at the top of the entry for Sunday, May 21, 1972 - Page 142]

III - You are now a member of the Turtle Club. Govern yourself accordingly and procure new members.

Here are answers to the 10 Turtle Riddles seen on the entry for January 14, 2014.

1) A Wedding Ring

2) An Elevator

3) The Titanic

4) A Dentist

5) An Attorney

6) Bubble Gum

7) A Newspaper Boy

8) An Arrow

9) A Crane

10) A Nose

For an enlightening message emailed directly to ME from our current Supreme Imperial Turtle (as of July 22, 2014), you can go HERE [but only if you promise NEVER to reveal his exalted name to non-turtles]: The cosmically magnificent Imperial Turtle graciously responds to my humble question

May 11 - Training for LA Games canoe races**

Thursday, May 11, 1972 - Page 132
LOCATION: Newport Beach, California

12:00 AM
Goddup at 11:30 A.M. when Chunk came over. He & me walked to the Sea Scout Base, and embarked on a canoe paddling excursion at noon. We paddled and paddled and paddled. And paddled. And paddled some more. He seems to think he's training me for the 2-guy canoe race at Hansen Dam. Good grief. Oh well... I want to have experience at everything, I might as well start with something I don't want to do. So we paddled.

[See May 20 - Competing in LA Games canoe races]

Finished at 2:00, cause Chunk had to get Winnie or something. Ran home and saw Glenn driving out of Winnie's old community, so we chatted with him. As it was, we were blocking traffic, so he drove to the trailer, and I challenged Chunk to a race to Grandlydia (we were at the entrance of Eye Sore Park at the time). So we sprinted, he with the two paddles, me with the bag full of stuff. He won, of course, but it was all worth while when the office blared through the speakers: "The speed limit is 5 miles an hour... slow down!"

I believe, however, the admonishment was for Glenn who was following us in his car. They rapped in the trailer, and I wandered down the beach to swim to the raft and tan m' hide. Came back, and Jordan caught me, and we played a couple of games of chess. Then I got rid of him. Only minutes ago, I finished cutting up and disposing of the bulky comic collection. The work that now remains for me in that department is to organize what remains of it. 'Tis now 12:15:15 A.M.  -- THE END