Dec 09 - Decided I am a psychological mess

Saturday, December 9, 1972 - Page 344
LOCATION: Newport Beach

6:30 PM
I finally caught up. The last week or so has not been a feat of memory -- I din't feel like writing in this book so I just jotted down a bunch of notes for the days. I was still damned depressed, deciding I was a psychological mess, not as well adjusted as some people I know (i.e. Tim Hourigan, or Larry Brockway), nor as screwed up as others (i.e. Matt Gold, or Greg Langevin).

I got a letter from Greg the other day -- he's got a new partner for his criminal deeds -- his previous partner was shot to death in Louisville. He's an extremely right wing radical now but still a good guy, in a Mike McEvers psychopathic sort of way (more neurotic than psycho actually). I got up at noon today. Mike & Laramée dropped by at about 5:00 to chat and take some X-mas decorations from their stored boxes in the cabaña. Can't say much more for today -- got a form letter from the Shrine of the Nativity -- old Gill has some new tours whipped up.

One of them I may take advantage of. The letter's attached and you can pro'ly guess which tour I'll be on. It'll be a good way to get to Europe methinks. Okay -- more remains to be written about various thinks but I won't bother. I'll just sign off. --
OFF

TOMORROW: Just another boring day...

Apr 11 - Home improvements

Tuesday, April 11, 1972 - Page 102
LOCATION: Newport Beach, California

8:00 PM
Got up at 10:00 A.M. (unusually early for me), and did some organizing of my room which will continue on the morrow. I rearranged the Radio, Lil' Lamp and digital Clock combo on my right, getting the wires sorted, wound and held in place out of sight by a cardboard shelf I made. Washed my muddy leather old shoes today (muddy since last kayak venture), and while looking for a hose out back found the stereo phonograph player, and brought it in. I dug out the old records from the Cabana (also found the "Wisdom" magazines which I must read sometime, and a few magazines which I plundered), placed the record player in the attic with an extension cord, and put the remote speakers above my head. The thing still works. Maybe I'll get Gold's assistance in making it better & compiling reasonable records. Besides that, the place is still a mess. I wrote a letter to Soozwol to check about my last letter which mightn't've gotten through. For the past two days it's been overcast & threatening to rain, but nights have been crystal clear.

[TIME-JUMP INTO THE PAST: News from this day in 1971]
Last year on this date was Easter Sunday, and Mom & Me set out for the Statue of Liberty, but the dreaded subway monster separated us, and I proceeded to get hopelessly lost in the labyrinth of underground Manhattan. Finally made it back to our hotel by 7:00 P.M. after being lost for five or six hours.

Mar 18 - A Highway Patrol encounter**

Saturday, March 18, 1972 - Page 78
LOCATION: Newport Beach & Tustin, California

9:00 PM
Woke up at around 1:00 P.M. Chunk came by at 7:47 A.M. to get the rest of his money for his weekend jaunt to Kern. Mom ambitiously began cleaning up Dad's room for occupancy. He came by at around 2:00 to take some more stuff to his apartment. THE GRUNYAN ARE RUNNING [correction: grunion] -- the sex crazed little beasts are invading the beaches to spawn. Yes, folks, it's that time of the year again. That little bit of information is totally irrelevant, but I'm listening to the KMPC news now (9:04 P.M.) and the guy mentioned it.

I spent most of today working on my photo collection -- I'm finally (night & early morning clouds, high Sunday & Monday 72°, and there will be light smog -- and now, here's Dean Weber "You always knew, by the things that you do, you can lead me on knowing I will fol-low -- so I can see... Your love is alive, yes your love is alive in my heart...") I just turned off the Gradio. As I was saying, I'm sorting out my pictures into their respective categories. Mom & I went to the Pickwick Bookstore in Southcoast Plaza to get the "Writer's Market '72." I am now reading it. Time, 9:10, 20 secs. End.

11:49 PM
So there I was, reading "W.M.'72," minding my own business, and in drop Matt Gold and Grieg. They had been walking around alot, were tired, and needed a stop -- and there was Eye Sore Park. He got here at about a quarter to ten, Mom, Me, He and Him talked for a while (Shawna called while he was here. Hmmm...), and at 10:30 he said he'd have to call someone to pick him up. I offered to drive him, so Grieg, me 'n' matt drove to Tustin where he lives. I saw his house (his dad wasn't home, and there were a coupla sleeping kids and an absent baby sitter with a T.V. set on). I left shortly after seeing his room (it's big), he was very tired -- could barely keep awake -- his phone number's 835-6359.

I got lost coming back, of course. Somehow I got on the Santa Ana Freeway, and finally got turned around. Then bright red and white lights greeted me in the rearview mirror, and I pulled over for the highway patrol -- I'd been weaving apparently (at times I have a tendency to over correct) and they suspected me of being inebriated. I wasn't fortunately, and they let me go after testing my eyes ("Look at my cap... now look at the flashlight without turning your head. Follow my finger." -- The other guy smiled and said "Nope." That was the diagnosis).

Feb 29 - A discouraging Leap Day***

Tuesday, February 29, 1972 - Page 60
LOCATION: Newport Beach, California

5:30 PM
I woke up at 7:00 and drove Mom to work -- we passed the 76 station by C&W's [Chuck and Wendy's] apartment and we saw Chunk in the gas station, staring dazedly out the window. He didn't see us. I drove home and took a bath, got dressed and drove to the 76 station to get the cooler from Chunk (he said he had seen me & Mom), after which I went to the stationery store where I bought three manila envelopes. I returned home to fill the water in the cooler, and mailed the manuscript to Galaxy (I'll get it back though because I used a 6¢ stamp -- it needs 8¢ at least) -- I got the mail and bought eight 8¢ postage stamps. Got my $87 tax refund and a letter from Sue with her picture. Then I went to the bank to deposit ten dollars, then I mailed the $10.00 check to Smithsonian (I got their membership card today -- I mean yesterday), and I drove back home.

At noon I drove to school where I saw Bob Bowman (he was surprised to see me and shook my hand which surprised me cause I don't know him that well) and I asked him if he knew where Matt was. He din't, but I learned that he has moved again -- from Oakwood apts to Tustin. After I talked with him, Mister Fish materialized and I found out Dennis Green had come by the day before (Mister Green is a friend from Junior High who is now at Orange Coast College), and Fish & I went to see Mary Lyons -- she was stunned to see me, so I gave her a copy of Moira-Quest (Mrs. Lyons is an English teacher who I had in my freshman, sophomore and junior years -- she's also a friend of Ray Bradbury and she's an SF buff).

From The Galleon 1972 Yearbook:
English teachers Mary Lyons & Margo Cunningham

We left her and went to the gang on the lawn. Meg ignored me, but she didn't project her beam of suppressed hostility. Saw Mary [Bavry] for the first time in ages, and we have a permanent temporary truce now. Shawna was upset to see me oddly enough -- she showed me a short three-word poem, so I wrote her a shorter one: "The Turbulent Sea" -- MOCEAN. It tickled her fancy. I saw Matt, Dan Huntzinger and Thom Granger, a sleazy lot that's getting a lot sleazier -- Matt's Dad bought him a Datsun. I saw Tim Hourigan for a moment, among another crowd, and Beverly who wanted to kill me even though the grass stains came out. I learned that Tim Hourigan has become a lush. Even he -- All American Boy -- is going downhill. C'est la vie. Tarmland can't survive with a drunk emperor [a reference to Tim's imaginary realm, à la Tolkien's Middle Earth].

Student crowd at Newport Harbor High School
The Galleon 1972

I was surprisingly witty and charming today -- must be the full moon. A new narc appeared while Matt, Huntzinger, someone else, and I were sitting on the lawn after the bell. He took my name, and I said I was going to P.E. right away. I found out that Matt & Dan are going to court tomorrow because of his & my A.P.B. [All Points Bulletin]. Odd thing as I was "going to P.E.," I ran into Mary on the curb with a hyper-sleazy group (perverts, smokers, heads, etc. -- one was definitely stoned), the sleaziest students warm the curbs of the school all day. The gang eventually vanished, leaving me, Mary, and a girl & her girlfriend -- one of whom I had given 50¢ to when Matt, Dan and Me were on the lawn just after lunch. I found out later it was for acid -- she had a dollar. I knowingly remarked the cheaper it is, the cheaper it is. Mary, Them and I discussed my favorite subject -- ME. I learned a lot. Apparently I have a rather unwholesome reputation, which, of course, is entirely inaccurate, but it does, nevertheless, lend some status to me, enabling me to enter the bizarre ranks of the ultra-liberals -- an interesting and sorry lot. I saw Donald and Terry today -- they've become something of an inseparable couple (couple of what I'm not too sure).

Anyway, the gist of the info I got from Mary about Shawna Wood is that she Woodn't -- not tonight or ever. The name of the girl I gave 50 cents to is Rae Lean (at least that's what she said it was), her friend was Jeannie, or something like that. I went to Sea Schwinn and talked with Dave. He sold the Campi for $120.00. He's taking a class in Marketing in college. Jerry only works on Saturdays -- he's a full-time college kid now. I found out a few more things about Shawna at Schwinn -- so I've got more ammunition. Let's see how good my aim is...

Shawna Wood
The Galleon 1972

(9:03 AM - 3/1/1972)
Missed by a mile. She really isn't that kind of girl. Why is everyone I know so virtuous? Such incredible luck.

Before I went to Shawna's, I noticed Matt Gold walking along the street opposite her house. I stopped, and he and me went to Thom Granger's a couple of houses away. We left there shortly (I stopped at Shawna's at seven to tell her I'd be late -- her sister (friend of Meg) saw me for the first time -- she was surprised) and Matt had to go to a house at Galaxy Street for a rehearsal or something. It took half an hour to find it. Then I went to get Shawna, and I established the fact that she Woodn't. It's hard to figure her out. Left at 9:30, or somewhere around there.

I think I'll banish myself from society -- I don't need friends anyway. I am a universe unto myself. Within a week I'll be alone in the world. Awww, how sad. Big deal. Who cares. Not I, said the little green pig. Disregard this stuff -- I'm drunk. People are not worth anybody's attention. Le'me see -- how many friends (or rather "acquaintances") have I got to get rid of. Well, from High School, there's Shawna Wood, Mary Bavry, "Meg Waldron," Robbin, Paula, Dana & Karen Boucher, Terri Sneathen, "Rae Lean," Beverly, Mary Lyons, Bob Rozelear, Shepard Salusky, Master Fish, Timothy Hourigan, Peter Shergalis, Craig David Harvey, Mike Lingels, Thom Granger, Matt Gold, Dan Huntzinger, James Simms, Bob Bowman, and Stan Eastman. From Sea Schwinn, there's Dave Olson, Darryl Eve, Jerry King, and a guy who's name I forgot just now. 80% of those people wouldn't notice I was missing. The rest would pro'ly idly wonder "What happened to good ole Grady," then they'd promptly forget. That's all.

0:00

EXTRA BONUS LEAPDAY

[Temporal Synchronization RESET]

Jan 01 - Happy Friggin' New Year***

A YEAR IN THE LIFE OF GRADY LUTHER LYDA III

BORN JULY 17, 1954 -- SATURDAY, 7:27 A.M. -- DAYTON, O.

9 lbs, 13 oz. -- 20 1/2"

DEDICATED TO MY MOTHER AND

FATHER, WITHOUT WHOSE ASSISTANCE,

THIS AUTHOR WOULD NOT BE POSSIBLE

QUESTION:  WHAT DO YOU WANT 1972 TO BRING US?
ANSWER:  NINETEEN SEVENTY 3
ANALYSIS:  IDEALISTIC

Saturday, January 1, 1972
LOCATION: Newport Beach, California

THIS IS A DIARY. DIARIES, I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT, ARE AN INDICATION OF ONE'S EGOCENTRICITY -- THAT'S WHY I'M STARTING ONE, AT LEAST. I LIKE TO TALK ABOUT MYSELF, BEING A NORMAL PERSON, AND (ALSO AS A NORMAL PERSON) I FIND MYSELF EXTREMELY FASCINATING. UNFORTUNATELY, VERY FEW PEOPLE SHARE THIS FASCINATION FOR GRADY LUTHER LYDA III, AND I FIND I HAVE NO ONE TO DISCUSS ME WITH BUT MYSELF. SO, HERE I AM, ME, WHAT HAVE I GOT TO SAY?

I STARTED OUT AS A CHILD, BORN A YEAR BEFORE MY FIRST BIRTHDAY, AS WAS THE CUSTOM IN MY FAMILY. AS A YOUTH, I REALIZED I WAS A YOUNG CHILD -- A POSITION IN LIFE THAT IS NOT WITHOUT CERTAIN ADVANTAGES, IF ONE MERELY GROWS UP SOON ENOUGH TO UTILIZE THEM. I DECIDED TO MATURE SOONER THAN NECESSARY, SACRIFICING MANY OF THE CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS AND DEVELOPMENTAL 'STAGES' EXPECTED OF A GROWING INDIVIDUAL. I STARTED MY CURRENT PROFESSION (AS A FULL TIME GRADY) ABOUT SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO, THOUGH -- IN ALL IMMODESTY -- I MUST ADMIT I AM A GOOD DEAL OLDER. SCHOOLS, PARENTS AND LAWS FAILED TO RECOGNIZE MY ADVANCED YEARS AND CONTINUED TO REGARD ME AS A MINOR, A SOCIAL POSITION WHICH IS MORE ADVANTAGEOUS THAN CONFINING IF ONE MERELY REALIZED IT. I REFUSED TO REALIZE IT, AND SOUGHT STRENUOUSLY TO THROW ASIDE THE RESTRAINTS OF "SCHOOL," AN INSTITUTION WHOSE NECESSITY FOR ME, PERSONALLY, ENDED SOMEWHERE IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. I HAVE RECENTLY SUCCEEDED IN RIDDING MYSELF OF THIS BURDEN OF FORCE-FED DILUTED KNOWLEDGE THROUGH CLEVER DECEPTION AND SHARP WIT, FREEING MYSELF TO DO THOSE THINGS WHICH I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN WANTING TO DO. SO, WITH ALMOST 400 DOLLARS FROM A RECENT JOB AS A CYCLONIC ENGINEER (BIKE MECHANIC), I AM PREPARED TO GET ON WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Starting at 12:00 A.M. this morning -- jilted by ex-semi-girlfriend, smoked a couple joints, drank a beer, glass of champagne, vodka and orange juice, and was still so damned sober a cop didn't notice. Arrested at 2:30 A.M. for curfew violation. Got home at 4:30 A.M. Am extremely depressed, mostly because of Megan.

Got some driving in today for a couple of hours. I can now definitely drive. I'll be doing a lot of it in the next few months.

Yesterday (New Years Eve) Matt and I walked about ten miles looking in Antique shops and old furniture stores for an old radio as a gift to his parents. Finally, at 5:00 P.M. we came upon a shop that had a great radio priced at $65.50... the guy let us have it for $40. Then we went to the warehouse to look at another set that was much bigger and more expensive (worth about $100.00). We bought that for $20, and later I bought a couple of old spectacles for $15.00, and the guy let me have one free. Needless to say, the fellow was slightly inebriated with beer and he let us have some beer and champagne, too. I've got to go back to pick up the other radio and glasses in a few days.

Later that night it became extremely obvious that Meg Waldron was getting involved with someone else. I remember a dream I had a month ago -- she was kissing someone (not me) in the dark. The dream seemed ludicrous, but when I woke up I felt extremely washed out and depressed. The feeling didn't last long though -- after all, it was only a dream. But last night wasn't a dream, and the feeling's lasting longer. Meg has made it clear that she doesn't care about me at all, and "so long" is the only thing I could say to her. The thing, if there ever was anything between us, was officially over months ago, but it didn't hit me till now. Whether or not I really did love her I guess I'll find out in the next few years. Until then... Blah!

REJECTED & ARRESTED... GREAT WAY TO START THE GODDAM NEW YEAR ---
WHOOPEE-RAH!!!!!