Dec 09 - Decided I am a psychological mess

Saturday, December 9, 1972 - Page 344
LOCATION: Newport Beach

6:30 PM
I finally caught up. The last week or so has not been a feat of memory -- I din't feel like writing in this book so I just jotted down a bunch of notes for the days. I was still damned depressed, deciding I was a psychological mess, not as well adjusted as some people I know (i.e. Tim Hourigan, or Larry Brockway), nor as screwed up as others (i.e. Matt Gold, or Greg Langevin).

I got a letter from Greg the other day -- he's got a new partner for his criminal deeds -- his previous partner was shot to death in Louisville. He's an extremely right wing radical now but still a good guy, in a Mike McEvers psychopathic sort of way (more neurotic than psycho actually). I got up at noon today. Mike & Laramée dropped by at about 5:00 to chat and take some X-mas decorations from their stored boxes in the cabaña. Can't say much more for today -- got a form letter from the Shrine of the Nativity -- old Gill has some new tours whipped up.

One of them I may take advantage of. The letter's attached and you can pro'ly guess which tour I'll be on. It'll be a good way to get to Europe methinks. Okay -- more remains to be written about various thinks but I won't bother. I'll just sign off. --
OFF

TOMORROW: Just another boring day...

Jan 01 - Happy Friggin' New Year***

A YEAR IN THE LIFE OF GRADY LUTHER LYDA III

BORN JULY 17, 1954 -- SATURDAY, 7:27 A.M. -- DAYTON, O.

9 lbs, 13 oz. -- 20 1/2"

DEDICATED TO MY MOTHER AND

FATHER, WITHOUT WHOSE ASSISTANCE,

THIS AUTHOR WOULD NOT BE POSSIBLE

QUESTION:  WHAT DO YOU WANT 1972 TO BRING US?
ANSWER:  NINETEEN SEVENTY 3
ANALYSIS:  IDEALISTIC

Saturday, January 1, 1972
LOCATION: Newport Beach, California

THIS IS A DIARY. DIARIES, I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT, ARE AN INDICATION OF ONE'S EGOCENTRICITY -- THAT'S WHY I'M STARTING ONE, AT LEAST. I LIKE TO TALK ABOUT MYSELF, BEING A NORMAL PERSON, AND (ALSO AS A NORMAL PERSON) I FIND MYSELF EXTREMELY FASCINATING. UNFORTUNATELY, VERY FEW PEOPLE SHARE THIS FASCINATION FOR GRADY LUTHER LYDA III, AND I FIND I HAVE NO ONE TO DISCUSS ME WITH BUT MYSELF. SO, HERE I AM, ME, WHAT HAVE I GOT TO SAY?

I STARTED OUT AS A CHILD, BORN A YEAR BEFORE MY FIRST BIRTHDAY, AS WAS THE CUSTOM IN MY FAMILY. AS A YOUTH, I REALIZED I WAS A YOUNG CHILD -- A POSITION IN LIFE THAT IS NOT WITHOUT CERTAIN ADVANTAGES, IF ONE MERELY GROWS UP SOON ENOUGH TO UTILIZE THEM. I DECIDED TO MATURE SOONER THAN NECESSARY, SACRIFICING MANY OF THE CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS AND DEVELOPMENTAL 'STAGES' EXPECTED OF A GROWING INDIVIDUAL. I STARTED MY CURRENT PROFESSION (AS A FULL TIME GRADY) ABOUT SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO, THOUGH -- IN ALL IMMODESTY -- I MUST ADMIT I AM A GOOD DEAL OLDER. SCHOOLS, PARENTS AND LAWS FAILED TO RECOGNIZE MY ADVANCED YEARS AND CONTINUED TO REGARD ME AS A MINOR, A SOCIAL POSITION WHICH IS MORE ADVANTAGEOUS THAN CONFINING IF ONE MERELY REALIZED IT. I REFUSED TO REALIZE IT, AND SOUGHT STRENUOUSLY TO THROW ASIDE THE RESTRAINTS OF "SCHOOL," AN INSTITUTION WHOSE NECESSITY FOR ME, PERSONALLY, ENDED SOMEWHERE IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. I HAVE RECENTLY SUCCEEDED IN RIDDING MYSELF OF THIS BURDEN OF FORCE-FED DILUTED KNOWLEDGE THROUGH CLEVER DECEPTION AND SHARP WIT, FREEING MYSELF TO DO THOSE THINGS WHICH I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN WANTING TO DO. SO, WITH ALMOST 400 DOLLARS FROM A RECENT JOB AS A CYCLONIC ENGINEER (BIKE MECHANIC), I AM PREPARED TO GET ON WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Starting at 12:00 A.M. this morning -- jilted by ex-semi-girlfriend, smoked a couple joints, drank a beer, glass of champagne, vodka and orange juice, and was still so damned sober a cop didn't notice. Arrested at 2:30 A.M. for curfew violation. Got home at 4:30 A.M. Am extremely depressed, mostly because of Megan.

Got some driving in today for a couple of hours. I can now definitely drive. I'll be doing a lot of it in the next few months.

Yesterday (New Years Eve) Matt and I walked about ten miles looking in Antique shops and old furniture stores for an old radio as a gift to his parents. Finally, at 5:00 P.M. we came upon a shop that had a great radio priced at $65.50... the guy let us have it for $40. Then we went to the warehouse to look at another set that was much bigger and more expensive (worth about $100.00). We bought that for $20, and later I bought a couple of old spectacles for $15.00, and the guy let me have one free. Needless to say, the fellow was slightly inebriated with beer and he let us have some beer and champagne, too. I've got to go back to pick up the other radio and glasses in a few days.

Later that night it became extremely obvious that Meg Waldron was getting involved with someone else. I remember a dream I had a month ago -- she was kissing someone (not me) in the dark. The dream seemed ludicrous, but when I woke up I felt extremely washed out and depressed. The feeling didn't last long though -- after all, it was only a dream. But last night wasn't a dream, and the feeling's lasting longer. Meg has made it clear that she doesn't care about me at all, and "so long" is the only thing I could say to her. The thing, if there ever was anything between us, was officially over months ago, but it didn't hit me till now. Whether or not I really did love her I guess I'll find out in the next few years. Until then... Blah!

REJECTED & ARRESTED... GREAT WAY TO START THE GODDAM NEW YEAR ---
WHOOPEE-RAH!!!!!